I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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