We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He has the fingertips of a God
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