I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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