Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
