Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i don't like sucking hair
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
