Well apparently he's into motor boating.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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