Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
