my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
