6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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