just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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