I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
