what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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