I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
