What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
