Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
