YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
