Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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