Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
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Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.