White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
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took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.