Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow

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  (240): ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow http://tfl.nu/mdzc
  Replies (10) Good night (2600) Bad night (624)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.

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  (636): Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know. http://tfl.nu/4r5f
  Replies (37) Good night (2862) Bad night (586)
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  (619): View more from California

  I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.

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  (619): I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong. http://tfl.nu/qtfu
  Replies (11) Good night (3447) Bad night (1431)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve

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  (702): oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve http://tfl.nu/2910
  Replies (29) Good night (6039) Bad night (635)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.

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  (978): we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now. http://tfl.nu/2hw3
  Replies (36) Good night (4408) Bad night (755)
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  (949): View more from California

  Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way

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  (949): Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way http://tfl.nu/t96w
  Replies (31) Good night (1784) Bad night (4831)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.

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  (716): Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon. http://tfl.nu/t979
  Replies (41) Good night (8492) Bad night (2535)
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  (626): View more from California

  I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.

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  (626): I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well. http://tfl.nu/o4bp
  Replies (16) Good night (1093) Bad night (2354)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.

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  (613): I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously. http://tfl.nu/6j29
  Replies (3) Good night (1809) Bad night (849)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302

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  (828): No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry (828): Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302 http://tfl.nu/twph
  Replies (12) Good night (2950) Bad night (893)
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  (818): View more from California

  Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.

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  (818): Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party. http://tfl.nu/8owu
  Replies (12) Good night (441) Bad night (1028)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.

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  (520): Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot. http://tfl.nu/72kv
  Replies (2) Good night (188) Bad night (668)
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater

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  (434): You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater http://tfl.nu/8eoi
  Replies (6) Good night (800) Bad night (220)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it

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  (561): I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it http://tfl.nu/hhh2
  Replies (4) Good night (530) Bad night (259)
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  (631): View more from New York

  So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.

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  (631): So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself. http://tfl.nu/iw9c
  Replies (0) Good night (635) Bad night (248)

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