There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
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Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over