Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.

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(651): Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward. http://tfl.nu/djmy

Replies (64) Good night (1799) Bad night (8359)
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(706): View more from Georgia

i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"

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(706): i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!" http://tfl.nu/rg7b

Replies (164) Good night (1705) Bad night (3297)
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(309): View more from Illinois

dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry

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(309): dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry http://tfl.nu/gvg3

Replies (20) Good night (545) Bad night (4429)
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(909): View more from California

flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart

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(909): flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart http://tfl.nu/bteu

Replies (17) Good night (4959) Bad night (1861)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.

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(918): i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break. http://tfl.nu/35mv

Replies (65) Good night (9744) Bad night (679)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.

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(610): so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried. http://tfl.nu/cyhc

Replies (12) Good night (913) Bad night (4951)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?

(1-503): View more from Oregon

yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.

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(503): I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan? (1-503): yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case. http://tfl.nu/ztrg

Replies (1) Good night (1281) Bad night (641)
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(410): View more from Maryland

My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?

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(410): My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night? http://tfl.nu/txqd

Replies (1) Good night (886) Bad night (786)
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(765): View more from Indiana

Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic

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(765): Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic http://tfl.nu/t5x0

Replies (4) Good night (485) Bad night (1526)
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(707): View more from California

I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once

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(707): I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once http://tfl.nu/s42e

Replies (6) Good night (870) Bad night (955)
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(708): View more from Illinois

you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato

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(708): you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato http://tfl.nu/7tnq

Replies (4) Good night (2439) Bad night (447)
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(226): View more from Ontario

Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?

(226): View more from Ontario

Don't answer that. It is bad.

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(226): Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice? (226): Don't answer that. It is bad. http://tfl.nu/e65p

Replies (5) Good night (1195) Bad night (754)
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(206): View more from Washington

Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.

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(206): Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates. http://tfl.nu/0lrq

Replies (5) Good night (846) Bad night (434)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party

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(617): She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party http://tfl.nu/crsc

Replies (5) Good night (1739) Bad night (355)
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(407): View more from Florida

Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.

(1-407): View more from Florida

That's horrible but hilarious

(407): View more from Florida

I'm going to miss college.

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(407): Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else. (1-407): That's horrible but hilarious (407): I'm going to miss college. http://tfl.nu/1mp1

Replies (4) Good night (486) Bad night (284)

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