I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
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You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry