I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
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Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good