I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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