She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
