Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.

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  (858): I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell. http://tfl.nu/6q5z
  Replies (6) Good night (750) Bad night (2011)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I've blown a few things in my day

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  (607): I've blown a few things in my day http://tfl.nu/5p5t
  Replies (9) Good night (2980) Bad night (661)
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  (845): View more from New York

  First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...

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  (845): First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio... http://tfl.nu/v0nt
  Replies (39) Good night (1121) Bad night (4481)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell

  (720): View more from Colorado

  That's the classiest thing you've ever said.

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  (303): i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell (720): That's the classiest thing you've ever said. http://tfl.nu/sstw
  Replies (44) Good night (6205) Bad night (2072)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled

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  (609): There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled http://tfl.nu/cbhx
  Replies (8) Good night (5334) Bad night (1010)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

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  (501): Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog. http://tfl.nu/8mg1
  Replies (18) Good night (10622) Bad night (2205)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i came on her dog

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  (504): i came on her dog http://tfl.nu/ocp2
  Replies (45) Good night (2348) Bad night (6939)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.

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  (864): and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot. http://tfl.nu/9hr6
  Replies (10) Good night (2402) Bad night (1756)
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  (707): View more from California

  please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up

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  (707): please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up http://tfl.nu/kqwh
  Replies (9) Good night (2164) Bad night (1906)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.

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  (602): After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum. http://tfl.nu/w0v8
  Replies (5) Good night (1992) Bad night (664)
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  (858): View more from California

  You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...

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  (858): You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there... http://tfl.nu/mklp
  Replies (5) Good night (938) Bad night (1832)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives

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  (501): Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives http://tfl.nu/b213
  Replies (14) Good night (1387) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...

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  (717): Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls... http://tfl.nu/qcx4
  Replies (3) Good night (650) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.

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  (218): last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat. http://tfl.nu/thb6
  Replies (0) Good night (393) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.

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  (413): We need to stop going on dates to the strip club. http://tfl.nu/e1ke
  Replies (2) Good night (331) Bad night (150)

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