Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
