seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
