I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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