shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As shirtless as possible
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
