Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
