Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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