3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
