STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
