he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
