Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
