The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
