can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
