So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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