Sry I called you an 8
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
