fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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