I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
