How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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