I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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