I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This baby is an asshole
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
