Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
