i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
