If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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