Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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