we have officially lost it.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
