Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
