I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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