I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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