Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
