he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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