Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
