So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
