OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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