my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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