Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
