im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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