hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
