her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
