all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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