i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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