wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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