I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize