Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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