does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
