I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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