I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
