The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
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The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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