is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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